5 Children
by InvaderKylie.3
Summary: (On Hiatus) Kylie has been friends with Kyle, Cartman, Stan, and Kenny for 2 years, when she first moved in with Cartman. It's all your favorite episodes, with a new character! Yay! (Name Change from: The 5 Kids)
1. Imaginationland, Part 1

Imaginationland |

Cartman, Tweek, and I are walking in the forest. It's not very dark. Cartman is dressed like a lumberjack, with flannel shirt, vest, and rope. "Dude," I say. "You look stupid in those lumberjack clothes."

"Ey! You shut up," Cartman says. "I swear I saw a leprechaun, and you can't prove me wrong! All right, let's try over here." Cartman points straight ahead. Jason appears behind us. "Set up traps there, and there as well." He points right. "Last time I saw him he ran right through here." He moves, and i see Stan further back. Cartman moves to his left, and i see Kyle is sitting on a fallen tree.

"This is so retarded, Cartman," Kyle says. He looks pretty angry. "You've got everyone believing your stupid story."

I laugh. "I don't believe it. I think he just ate some weird berries. Besides, Eric's always telling our mom ridiculous stories. How can we trust him?"

Cartman sets up a trip wire between two stones. "It isn't a story, it's true!" Cartman drops the rope, and takes out a walkie talkie. "I saw a leprechaun. I've seen him come through here three days in a row now." He turns the walke talkie on. "Hawk Eyes, this is Dragon Wind. Do you copy?"

"This is Hawk Eyes. We've set up the net and we're standing by." Wait a sec, Clyde? God, he brought Clyde into it too.

"Copy that, Hawk Eyes. Keep surveillance tag Alpha Niner. Dragon Wind out." Tweek joins Stan in the back.

"Just admit you were lying, Cartman, so that everyone can go home!" Kyle says. I nod.

"Yeah, bro, I'm frickin' hungry! Not to mention you kept me out here all night!"

"O-ho no! We have a deal, Kyle!"

"A deal?" I look at Kyle. "What deal?

"If I can prove there's a leprechaun, you have to suck my balls, remember?!" He whips out his walkie talkie again. "Dragon Wind to Blackie: What's your six, Blackie?" Probably Token.

"...I don't want the code name Blackie."

"Code names are what they are, Blackie! Check your six and alert when in position!" He puts away the walkie talkie and gets back to setting the trip wire.

"This is freakin' retarded!" Kyle yells.

Cartman bursts out laugher. "Hahaha! Getting nervous, Kyle? When that leprechauns shows up you must suck my balls! Don't forget I have a signed contract from you." Cartman finishes setting the trip wire. Kyle, you sexy idiot, you know to never make a deal with Cartman.

"Yeah, and if you couldn't prove there was a leprechaun, you have to give me ten dollars!" Kyle got angrier. "Now just pay up and stop being stupid!"

Cartman whispers loudly, "Goddammit, why hasn't it shown up yet?" He takes out his walkie talkie. "Dragon Wind to Gay! Come in, Gay!" ...Butters.

Butters sighs annoyedly. "This is gay. Go ahead." Oh my god, Cartman's so mean.

"Gay, I need you to keep surveillance North to North East. Check back in five."

"Okay, will do. Gay out."

"Okay, that's enough," Kyle says. He hops off the tree and walks forward. "Everybody! Cartman is just pulling one of his stupid tricks on everyone, because he's trying to get out of a deal he made!"

"He just wants Kyle to suck his balls because my brother is gay!" I say loudly. I snicker. Kyle's laughing a little too. "Cartman has a deep, burning love for Kyle!"

"..." Cartman was eerily silent. I start freaking out. He walks over to me, and punches me extremly hard. I fall onto the ground, and he kicks me twice. "Now, If anyone else would like to oppose me, you know your fate."

I'm laying on the ground, crying with a bloody nose. "Y-you little..." Kyle runs over and helps me get up.

"Cartman! You broke her arm!" Kyle yells at Cartman. I can't feel my arm, but I know Cartman kicked me frikin' hard. He leads me out of the forest. "Are you okay? That looked really painful."

"Well, I can't feel my arm, and I want to throw up, so i'd say pretty much." I cough.

Kyle pulls out his phone. "Listen, I'm gonna call our parents, and they'll meet us at a hospital, okay? Cartman's gonna pay."

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I'm laying in my bed at my house. It was surprising at how fast the doctors got my arm in a cast and junk. My mom walks in. "Oh, my! Who did this to you?" she asks. I didn't want to say my brother, but my other friends don't deserve to be in a blame lie.

Kyle speaks up before I say anything. "It was your son, Ms. Cartman. We made a bet about a leprechaun, and she said leprechauns didn't exist, then he punched her to the ground, and kicked her twice."

"Eric?! I always knew this would happen someday. Ever since she came into our family..." My mom left, leaving just me and Kyle.

"Hey, I'm getting a FaceTime from Cartman," he said. "What, Cartman?" A leprechaun skips into view, then stops upon seeing a crowd gather around him. "Dude..."

I sit up, stunned. "Oh my god, it's a leprechaun."

Cartman charges at the leprechaun, and his iPhone shakes violently. "Get it!" The leprechaun runs away, and Cartman chases after it. "Get that leprechaun! I want it alive!" The leprechaun crawls under a tree trunk and gets up. He trips over a rope and a net descends on him; he dodges it and runs off. He runs into a bush and trips a sliding door, which drops down behind him. It traps him in a cage. He looks around for a way out, but he gets crowded once more. All me and Kyle do is watch, stunned. Everyone says stuff like, "Wow," "Cool," and "Nice!" Cartman's panting, and tries to get the leprechaun back on camera. "Eugh! Uh, move asides! Move aside! All right, where's the gold?!"

"You lads don't know what you're doin'," the leprechaun says. "I need to deliver an important message! There's goin' to be an attack!"

Cartman gives the phone to Stan, and gets out a Bowie knife. "Tell me where the gold is or you die!" He unsheathes it. "Now!" The leprechaun makes a rainbow with his right hand, and it teleports him out and disappears.

"Where'd he go?" Stan says. The leprechaun appears on a tree limb behind the boys; the phone points at him again.

"I was sent to warn of a terrorist attack, but you boys have made me late. Now the terrorists will prevail! The end is near!" The leprechaun makes a rainbow with his right hand, and it teleports him away and disappears. "Dude," someone says.

Cartman walks to where we can see him and clears his throat. "Kyle, suck my balls." He holds out the contract both of them signed. Kyle drops his phone on the floor.

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Kyle's family and I are eating dinner silently. I'm not eating, because my cast kept getting into the food. Kyle has got something on his mind, 'cause he's not eating either. "Mrs. Broflovski?"

"Yes?"

"Uh...thank you for letting me stay here..." I say quietly.

"Well, I can't just let one of Kyle's best friends get harassed. It was best that you stayed with one of your friends rather than with Eric."

I sighed. "Yeah..."

Then Kyle said, "Dad, where do leprechauns come from?"

"From Ireland," said Mr. Broflovski.

"So, why would one come to America to warn us about a terrorist attack?"

"Kyle, leprechauns aren't real," said Mrs. Broflovski. "You're almost nine now; you need to understand the difference beween real and imaginary."

"...I thought I did," Kyle says. I stand up from the table. All i want to do is go to bed and stay away from Cartman.

"Thank you for the delicious dinner. I'm going to go get ready for bed." Then, the doorbell rings. Since I was standing, I decided to go get the door. Cartman is standing in the doorway. I scream and trip as i walk backwards. "Listen, I don't care why you're here, just stay away from me! Please don't hurt me!" He walks in with the contract and a camera.

"I'm not here for you, but I'm honored that you're afraid," Cartman says. He laughs loudly.

"Oh,hello Eric," Mrs. Broflovski says, trying to sound nice, even though she doesn't want him here. She leads him to the dining room. "Kyle, your friend is here."

"Hello, Mr. Broflovski, Ike. Nice evening, isn't it? Well Kyle, shall we go up to your room for a few minutes." I start slowly walking upstairs, trying to listen to them talk.

"Get out of here, Cartman, we're eating dinner!" Kyle says. "And you know this place was called off limits for you to come here while Hani is staying here!"

"Uhh, Kyle, I believe a certain someone is supposed to put a certain set of balls in their mouth," Cartman says.

"I'm not doing it!"

"Doing what?" asks Mr. Broflovski.

"Hey!" Cartman says loudly. "We had a deal, Kyle!"

"Just get out of here!"

"You signed an agreement, Kyle!"

"I don't care if I signed an agreement!

"Ah, hey now Kyle, if you made a deal with somebody, you have to stick by it," says Mr. Broflovski.

"Thank you, Mr. Broflovski," says Cartman.

"What was the agreement?" He asks.

"That if he could prove leprechauns exist, I would suck his balls," said Kyle.

"Whatwhatwhat?!" Mrs. Broflovski exclaims.

"And there was a leprechaun! You saw it, Kyle," Cartman yells.

I finally snap. "EVERYONE BE QUIET! CARTMAN, GET OUT OF HERE! I JUST WANT TO GO TO BED! I HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD SLEEP SINCE HE BEAT ME UP!" There was some more silence, then the front door slams. I sigh.

Later that night...

I lay in Kyle's room on the floor. I start shaking. I had a horrible dream again, about Cartman . I must have not been that quiet though, because about ten minutes later a tired Kyle says, "What's wrong?"

"Huh?" I stop trying to shake. "N-nothing."

Kyle jumps down from his bed and sits next to me. "Listen, I know the real you. The real you doesn't cry so easily. Now really, what's wrong?"

"Nightmares..." I start to shake, remembering them. "Nightmares about Cartman.

C-can't sleep anymore. Not without dreaming of him trying to kill me, or you, or-or your family...Screaming bloody murder."

Kyle runs his hand through my hair. "Hey, It'll be okay. We'll go hang out with our friends tomorrow, and talk to them. They haven't seen you in awhile. They've been thinking about you. Now go to sleep, okay?" He stands up, and starts to walk to his bed, but I stand up and run over to give Kyle a long hug.

AN: I really just fangirled here. It seems extremely Mary-Sue right now, even to me. I promise, everything else in here I will try to make as Mary-Sue-less as possible.

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Me and Kyle are walking down the sidewalk, when we see Stan, Butters, Jimmy, and Kenny working on a massive snow sculpture. We walk up to them. "Hey dudes," Kyle says. The boys stop and pay attention.

"Hey Kyle. So, ...how was it?" asks Jimmy.

"How was what?" asks Kyle. Let me guess, it's about him sucking Cartman's balls, and not the fact that me and Kyle are holding hands.

"Sucking Cartman's b-balls," Jimmy says. Of course.

"Guys! Shut up about this. First of all, Kyle's never going to do that, and never will. Second of all, talking about Cartman makes me uncomfortable," I say

"Fine," Stan says. "Wait a second, are you two holding hands?"

"Uh-" Kyle started to explain.

"Yes! Got a problem?" I exclaim.

Stan stifles a laugh. "N-no. Are you two going out?"

I push Stan. "No! At least, not yet!" Then there was this weird awkward silence. I felt my face getting hot and red. Then some fat guy dressed in a purple jacket, polka-dotted yellow pants, and curled shoes asks, "Excuse me, Have you children seen a leprechaun anywhere lately?"

"...What do you know about the leprechaun?" asks Stan.

"Ooooo, then you did see him!" The guy twirls. "That's splendiferous! I want you to tell me everything he said. Where was he? What was he doing?"

While he was talking, I say to Kyle, "This guy is probably a crazy, drunk, hobo."

"All right, I've had enough! Leprechauns are imaginary!" Kyle yells. He looks really angry.

"Well of course they are. But just because they're imaginary doesn't mean they're not real," the man says. "Haven't you boys ever used your imagination?" He whips out a striped cane and turns to Stan. "You young man! How would you like to be a cowboy? Or a swashbuckling pirate?" He moves over to Kyle and I. "You, little boy! How would you like to be an astronaut, faaar out in space? And this little miss, how would you like to be a fairy princess?" Oh god, I hate princesses, and most of all I hate being popular! "All it takes is a little..." He taps my head with his left hand. "...imagination.

"Don't. Touch. Me," I say. "I bet you just like to pretend to be some weird fat genie guy, so you can enchant little children like us, and get us in your 'magical van', and kidnap then molest us!"

"Who the hell are you, anyway?" asks Stan.

"Still not convinced, eh? I tell you what, kiddies. What say we all take a ride on my... Imagination Flying Machine?" Before us appears an elegant red blimp with four smaller yellow balloons from which hangs a small wooden ship with three wheels underneath it for landing on solid ground.

"Dude," Kyle says.

"Hop aboard, kids," the man says. I think he looks like a mayor, so I'm just gonna call him Mr. Mayor or something. "I have something to show you."

"Uhh, are you gonna rape us?" Butters asks.

Mr. Mayor is silent for a second. "Ubeuh... uh... n... no?"

"I TOLD YOU! He's trying to divert us by making it look like he doesn't know what it means," I say. Apparently everyone else believes him.

"Come on, guys." Stan follows him, with the rest of us close behind.

"Watch it, fellas," says Butters. "I'm pretty sure this guy wants to rape us."

"All aboard the Imagination Balloon!" He sounds the boarding bell and lifts off as the we draw up the rope ladder.

"Some people feel imagination isn't real, but I tell them that they're wrong,

'cause whenever I want to play and pretend, I just sing the Imagination Sooong!"

"Holy shit," says Kyle. "He's singing." The song is just the one word "imagination," repeated. After awhile, I get annoyed.

Kyle looks like he's at his limit. "Are you gonna take us somewhere or not?!"

"Oh- Ohhh. But my boy, we're already here," says Mr. Mayor.

There' so many characters here! Ones I know, ones I love, and ones I don't care about! Whoa...

"What is this place?" asks Stan.

"This... is Imaginationland," Mr. Mayor says. A yellow rocket flies in and lands on its own. "It's where all the wonderful and goofy things that humans have made up over the years live together." Even more of the land and its inhabitants gather around, and the balloon finally lands in the middle of town. Mr. Mayor climbs down the rope ladder. "Citizens of Imaginationland! We have distinguished guests from the world beyond!"

"Hello," says a Thundercats character. We climb down the ladder and onto the ground. Butters is excited. I've always hated those Thundercats.

A walking lollipop with a crown and lollipop scepter walks up to us. "Welcome to Imaginationland. I am the Lollipop King."

"We are honored to have Creators in our kingdom," says someone.

"Now, good news, everyone! These children did see the leprechaun!" The creatures exclaim with joy.

"What did he tell you? Did he have any news?"

Stan starts hesitantly. "Well he said there was gonna be a- ...that there was... gonna be a-" A Terrorist runs in out of nowhere, screams, "ALLAH!" Then stops, rips open his jacket, and shows off the bombs strapped to his body.

"OH HELL NO!" Mr. Mayor exclaims. The terrorist sets off the bomb as everyone else leans back. The explosion sends creatures flying everywhere, including me. I look for somewhere to hide, and go under a giant mushroom. I sit down, and things start to move in slow motion to me. I see Raggedy Ann try to revive a destroyed Raggedy Andy, then i turn my head to see Santa set ablaze. I wince in pain. I think my broken arm got even more broke. Then I see a large building go up in flames as burning creatures run about. The terrorist fires his machine gun. I put my purple and turquoise hat back on. Then Kyle arrives. I can barely hear his as he yells, "KYLIE, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Jimmy is with him too. I stand up and we all run off. Kenny and Stan join us as a dragon drops down from the sky.

"Quickly! Get on my back!" We climb on and Draco takes off. It takes a second for me to realize the one who's missing; Butters.

"Fellas! Fellas wait!" yells Butters, as he tries running up to us as fast as he can. "Hold on, fellas! Don't leave me, fellas! Come back!" A terrorist knocks Butters down with the butt of his gun, then kicks him around. Two other terrorists join in.

"Dude!" Kyle says. The terrorists keep kicking Butters around.

"Oh my god...this can't be real. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?!" I exclaim.

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"Aah! Aaah!" Kyle screams. I open my eyes and look around alertly. "Wha? Where...? Oh. Oh dude. Oh, it was just a dream. It was all just a crazy dream. Huh, oh my God."

"What?" I ask. "I had a terrifying dream, dude."

"Yeah," Kyle says. "Me too." We walk downstairs. "Hey, I need to call Stan about something. You wanna listen in?"

"Sure." Kyle dials Stan's number, and Stan answers.

"Hello?"

"Dude, did you finish your math homework?" Kyle asks. "I kind of lost track of time last night."

"No, no, I I hardly got any sleep," Stan says. "I had this whole messed up dream about some gay Mayor guy taking us to Imaginationland where all these imaginary characters live..."

"...And then it got attacked by terrorists?" I say.

"Yeah!" Stan says. "How'd you guys know?"

"Dude! We had the same dream!" Kyle says.

"We ended up jumping on a dragon's back and, and Butters got left behind!" I say worriedly. "Oh my God, guys! That dream was REAL."

"Stan? Stanley?" Stan's mom asks. "You haven't seen your little friend Butters, have you?"

"Why?" Stan says.

"Our darling Butters never came home last night," says Butters' mom.

"What did they say?!" Kyle exclaims.

"We don't wanna jump to conclusions, but... we're worried that maybe somebody kidnapped Butters, sodomized him over and over again, and then fed his genitals to wild animals." Crying comes from Stan's line. "There there, darling."

"...Dude..." Me and Kyle say.

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Me and Kyle are seated in a courthouse, with Kyle as the Defendant, and Cartman as the Plantiff. I'm acting as Kyle's Lawyer, since my old mom used to be a lawyer too. She taught me everything she knew. "Uh," Kyle says. "Are you sure you know how to do this?" he asks uncertainly.

I drop a handful of Runts into my mouth. "Yes, I believe I DO, Mr. Broflovski. If Mr. Cartman decides to battle for this, then a battle he shall have. But I have a strong belief we will probably lose."

"I believe a serious blow to democracy has just been dealt. A travesty has occurred, and I want justice! Kyle Broflovski did willingly and knowingly sign a contract, and yet, to date, he has made no effort, nor does he show any intention, of ever sucking my balls!" The judge can't believe what she's hearing! The look on her face is priceless, though. "I've given him ample time to fulfill his obligation, and he has thus refused. I stand before you with dry balls, Your Honor. I've provided witnesses, collected testimonials, and still, my balls remain dry. I want what I'm entitled to!" Cartman finishes his speech.

The Judge looks over the contract in front of her. "Mr. Broflovski, did you agree to orally imbibe Mr. Cartman's scrotum and testicles?"

"I..." Kyle is at a loss for words.

The Judge shows Kyle the contract he signed. "Is this not your signature on the contract?"

"Yes, it is your honor, but I submit to you, that if Mr. Broflovski does indeed suck Mr. Cartman's balls, then that would be a form of Sexual Harassment, on top of the fact that Mr. Cartman has been Harassing Mr. Broflovski for about a week," I say. "And Mr. Cartman also broke my arm."

"You are technically correct, Ms. Cartman, but it wouldn't be classified as Sexual Harassment as a court order. As for the breaking your arm, we will get to that as soon as you file a lawsuit," The Judge says. "Now, From what I've been presented and the evidence put forth, the court has no choice but to order Mr. Broflovski to place Mr. Cartman's pubicle sac in his mouth, and draw upon it succulently for no less than 30 seconds." Cartman fist pumps. "He have twenty four hours to suck aforementioned balls. If after that time he still refuses, the court will be forced to arrest him for contempt. Next case!" The judge lowers the gavel.

"Thank you Your Honor. This isn't a victory for me, this is a victory for the justice system. And my balls."

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Stan, Kyle, and I walk towards my house together. Cartman moves through the crowd in front of the door to the porch. "Dude, do you really have to do it?" Stan asks.

"Let's just get this over with!" Kyle exclaims angrily. We walk inside the house, as Cartman gloats.

"Yes, come on in, peasant Kyle, and pay homage to this sultan's balls," Cartman says gleefully.

Kyle lets out an exasperated and annoyed sigh. "God damnit!"

Cartman smiles a big, wide smile. Then the sound of helicopters shake the house. Cartman's smile disappears, and he looks around the house. Me, Stan, and Kyle turn around and see the helicopters land. Six men come out of the helicopter. "That's them, sir. Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Kylie Torula/Cartman," one of the men say.

"You boys-er, and girl, need to come with us on a matter of national security," Pne of the men say. They start moving us towards the helicopter.

"Woah, woah, WAIT! Who are you?!" Kyle asks.

"There's no time! You need to come with us right now!" The man starts dragging Kyle by his arm to the helicopter. Then, Cartman runs up and grabs Kyle's other hand.

"Hey, let go of him!" Kyle's caught in the middle of a human tug of war, and it looks as if his arms would pop off at any given moment.

"We aren't going to hurt your little friends," one of the men say. "We just need information." ...Information? And to think of it, how did they get my old last name? Why did they need us?

"NO! KYYYYLE!" We hear Cartman's voice as we go away in the helicopter. I begin thinking again. Could this all relate to Butters getting left behind? ...How could they know? Unless...the terrorists were able to make contact with the real world! What equipment-ah, screw it. I mean, stranger shit's happened.

TO BE CONTINUED...

AN: SWEET JESUS, I hope you're all happy! I sure am, the way this turned out. I can't wait for Part Two! (this means I haven't even written it...) Guess what? I'm going to make my second least favorite part in a South Park episode even worse! It's so dramatic now, but it'll be even MORE dramatic when I get done with it. Ha. Hahaha. AHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAAAAAAA...*sniffle* Oh, I made myself sad.


	2. Imaginationland, Part 2

Imaginationland, Part 2

The two men from before interrogate Stan, Kyle, and I in a room. General paces  
back and forth. "Look, we already told you everything we know," Stan says. "Some  
guy just showed up in a big balloon and took us into Imaginationland."

General stops and places his hands on a table. "What we want to know is how! We  
need to find a way into Imaginationland; you've been there! How did you do it?!"

"We just... went on a balloon ride," Kyle said.

"There must have been some kind of portal or doorway," someone says.

"We don't know!"

"Our portal to the imagination!" A man named Tom says. "Built as a secret  
project back in 1962 to fight the Soviets-"

"Shhh! Tom!" whispers General. "That's super-secret."

"Oooohhh, I'm sorry sir," Tom says.

"Wait. The U.S. Government has a portal to the imagination?" asks Kyle.

"Aw, see? Good job, Tom!" General says. "Why don't you just tell them everything  
about Project X?!"

"Yes sir." Tom turns to us. "We built a portal to the imagination to use against  
the Russians during the Cold War, but we never got a-"

"THAT WAS SARCASM! I was being sarcastic, you idiot!"

"Aw jeez, I'm really sorry sir."

"If you already built a doorway to the imagination, then why do you need  
us?" asks Stan.

General turns his back to us. "All right, we might as well show it to them." He  
mutters, "God-dammit, Tom," under his breath. We get taken into this big room,  
with a lot of machines, a lot of people, and a giant thing in the middle of the  
room. Some people mess with machines in front of them. "Ever since the Cold War,  
the U.S. Government has been working on a secret project to build a doorway into  
the imagination. It is called 'Project Imagination Doorway.'"

"That's not very imaginative," I say.

"According to all the tests and the data, the doorway should work, but... it  
never has." A guy walks up and stands next to the General.

"But we're close, sir," he says. "We're real close."

The General sighs. "They've been saying that for over forty years."

"You're the ones, right?" the man asks. "The kids who have been in the  
imagination."

"Ah...I guess," Kyle says.

"What was the sequence that got you inside?" the man asks. Jeez, these people  
sure love questions. "We know there's some kind of... resonance code, but we  
can't figure it out."

"Look, we're sorry, you guys, but the balloon just went up in the air and the  
dude sang a song and we were suddenly there," says Kyle.

"Song?" asks General. "You didn't say anything about a song before." I did!  
Idiot...

"What song?" The Imagination song, like I said before! God, these people are  
stupid.

"The Imagination song?" Stan says.

"That could be it!" You don't say, buddy? "The fractal converter has never  
worked because it was waiting for a multitonal code!"

"Quick kids: how does the Imagination Song go?"

Kyle and Stan start singing the imagination song, and it seems they can't remeber  
the notes. "Imaginaaaaation...Imaginaaaation..."

"Sir, uh I'm getting some electrofeedback from the gate!" They start messing  
with machines. "I-it's weak, but it's nanoresponding to something."

"Was there more to the Imagination Song?" General asks. "Ha, how does the rest  
of it go?"

Stan and Kyle keep singing, then I join in. "Imaginaaaa-aaaa-aaation...Imaginaaaa-"

"No, no dude, it went up there," Kyle said.

"I think I know what I'm singing, Kyle!"

"Imagina-he-hey-"

"Imagin-eh..."

Stan decides to admit it: we don't remember the song. "Dude, we don't remember. It  
was really long and stupid."

"I'm just about through playing with you boys!" The General yells. "We're  
running out of time! You have to remember that song in its entirety!" Stan and  
Kyle look at each other. We start singing the song better, but they're still  
off.

"Imagina-a-ation, Imagina-"

"Waitwaitwait," Stan says. "Maybe that's where he went really flat, like that  
half-step key change? Imagina-ation."

"...How do you know terms like half-step key change?" The two look at me  
angrily. "Er, forget I asked."

"Right, then it was 'Imagina-ation, Imagina-ation. Imagina-atio-on.'" The rooms  
lights dim and the portal begins to glow. We stand there confused for a moment,  
then face the portal with the other people present.

"It's open! It's open!"

"Getting readings from the other side... the, that's it. We've made an opening  
to our imagination, sir!" All the officers and techs all cheer and hug each  
other.

Stan and Kyle stand there, awed, while I just kinda stare about happily. "Hey,  
guys!" I pull three candy bars out of a small bag. "We've done God's work today,  
boys. Have your reward." I start nibbling on my candy bar, while Stan and Kyle  
eat big chunks out of theirs.

"All right, that's enough!" General says. "We've still got a lot of work to do,  
people! Its time to go in and get our imaginations under control!" Later, some  
army troops in camouflage arrive. The general paces in front of the soldiers.

"Y'know, guys, I kinda have a bad feeling about this..." I overhear some of  
General's speech to the soldiers, before Stan answers.

"...Exactly which bad feeling do you have?" he asks.

"I-I don't know. Like, someone is going to die." Oh yeah, sometimes if something  
bad will happen, I'll kinda sense it or something. I dunno. Doesn't work all the  
time.

"Yes sir!" The soldiers salute.

"Are you ready, Kurt Russell?" Is Kurt Russell famous or something?

Kurt Russell answers, "I... I don't understand why I'm here. I-I'm just an  
actor." Apparently.

"Yes, but you were in that one movie that was kinda like this. That gives you  
more experience than anybody. All right, here we go! Men! Forwaaard!"

"Sir, we have a security breach!" A tech alerts.

"Dudes, if it's who I think it is..." I sigh angrily. "Kyle, get ready to  
protect your rights."

"There's an Unauthorized Entry Alert, sir-it's coming from Sector Two!"

"Sector Two?" A large window at the far end of the room shatters as Cartman  
tumbles in. We all turn to see him.

"Cartman?" Kyle says.

I pinch my nose like Stan does. "Cartman, get the hell out, please."

Cartman gets up quickly and marches towards Kyle. "Hello Kyle! Thought you could  
get out of your responsibilities, huh?!"

"Who the hell are you?!" asks General.

"That kid you have made a bet that if I could prove that I saw a leprechaun, he  
would suck my balls!"

"Get him out of here!"

Some guards seize Cartman and begin to drag him away. "No! Hold on a second!"  
They stop and let him go. "I have a contract validated by the United States  
court system!"

"Let me see that!" A guard takes it from Cartman over to the general, who reads  
it. "Why would you agree to suck someone's balls?"

"I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS GOING TO BE A GOD-DAMNED LEPRECHAUN!"

"All right, you two can go use the conference room," says General. "Go on, we  
have work to do here."

"Wha?! Well wait, ahah I wanna see what happens here!" Kyle tries to get out of  
the agreement once more. I start writing on a piece of paper, then fold it up  
and slip it into Kyle's pocket.

"Go on and do it," says General.  
Kyle looks at the general, than at Stan and I. "Stan? Kylie?"

"Dude, you did make a deal..."

"Do it, bro! Be strong!" I whisper, "Check the paper while you're in the room!"  
Kyle apparently has run out of appeals and reluctantly follows Cartman out.

"Theee conference room is which way?" Cartman asks, while smiling a big retarded  
smile.

* * *

I'll fill you in on what happened. So, they went into their room, and then me  
and Stan watched what was happening with the portal. The soldiers got raped by  
Stan's messed up 'Christmas Critters,' then an alarm went off, and Cartman and  
Kyle were brought back in here. I feel like the feeling from before is happening  
now. The portal has begun to act violently. Lightning shoots out from the portal  
and it changes color frequently. Everyone backs away.

"Talk to me! What's going on?!" General demands.

"Something is... coming through the gate from the other side." A few moments  
later, ManBearPig walks through.

"What is it?!"

"Its like a... half man half bear!"

"And half pig!" ManBearPig grabs a guy and slams him against the portal's wall.

"Oh! No, no wait! It's like a half bear half manpig!" ManBearPig rips the guy's  
head off and tosses it towards the general. Everyone scatters around the room.

"Look out!" ManBearPig jumps over and grabs a man at both ends.

"No! I think it's more like a half man, and half pigbear!" ManBearPig rips the  
man in two at the waist.

"Reverse the doorway! Send it back through!"

"AAAHHH!" Kyle runs away, but ManBearPig scoops him up.

"KYLE!" Stan and I shout. A fading tech pushes the red button at his station as  
he drops to the floor. Lightning flashes into the room as a tractor beam pulls  
Stan into the portal. ManBearPig resists the pull, but crushes Kyle in its left  
hand for several seconds.

"AAAAAAA-" ManBearPig lets go of Kyle as the tractor beam fiinally pulls it in.  
Kyle lays on the floor, all color drained from him.

"Oh my god..." I sit on the floor next to Kyle. "He's dead." I  
can't bear to look at him, with that horrifying look of terror frozen on his  
face. Paramedics arrive to check on Kyle. They push me out of the way, then one  
of them tries to resuscitate him with a defibrillator.

"Clear!" They send power through the paddles. Kyle rises, then falls softly. No  
sign of life yet. The paramedic removes the paddles and announces, "I'm sorry.  
He's gone."

"No! Kyle can't die." Cartman gets on his knees and checks various parts of his  
body for a pulse. I pull Cartman off Kyle.

"STOP ERIC!" I don't want to see him try to bring Kyle back. "IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK! Just...stop trying. It hurts to see you doing this!"

"I'm sorry, young boy," the paramedic says to Cartman.

"Well... at least now he doesn't have to suck anyone's balls."

I feel enraged about that comment. "A kid just died, and you make a FREAKING JOKE?!  
YOU SICK PEOPLE!"

"Well, either way kids, he's dead."

"NNNOOO!" Cartman begins giving Kyle CPR. "No, he has a strong heart! He wants  
to live! Come on, Kyle! Come on, buddy!" I take over the CPR.

"I'm certified," I say.

"He's gone, little boy."

Cartman talks to the paramedic. "Zap him again!" He opens Kyle's coat and shirt  
for better contact. "Do it!"

"Charging."

"DO IT!" Me and Cartman shout. The paramedic places the paddles back on Kyle's  
body. "Come on," I say.

"Clear!"

"Come on buddy." The paramedic fires away. Kyle rises, then falls softly. No  
sign of life still. "Get out of here!" Cartman shoves the paramedic away, and I  
go back to giving Kyle CPR. A woman covers her eyes in despair.

"Goddammit Kyle, you never walked away from anything in your life!" I say.

"Now fight!" Cartman smacks Kyle around. "Fight! Fight! Right now!" Now Cartman  
breaks down. "Fu-hight! Fu-hu-hight!" Cartman starts pounding Kyle's chest hard. "Fight!" Kyle  
coughs, then comes to. Cartman begins to cry happily.

"Give him some air," I say. I grab an oxygen mask and place it over Kyle's nose  
and mouth.

"There. Breathe easy." I stand up and place my hat on my head.  
Cartman weeps softly some more.

* * *

Me and Cartman are sitting next to each other in a hospital room. Kyle is  
resting. A few gifts lie near his bed, mostly from me. "Hey, Cartman?"

"Yeah?"

"Uhm...uh..." I really don't want to say it. "I'm sorry."

"Me too. What for?"

"I'm sorry for smacking you around back there, and everything else. You?"

"Breaking your arm or whatever," he says. "Hey, I'll be right back." He  
disappears under the bed. After a couple seconds, he rises from under the bed  
with his crown and robe on and contract in hand. "Wake up, Kyle." Kyle wakes up to see a smiling Cartman.

"OH, GODDAMN IT!" I yell.

* * *

**AN: Okay, Part 2 is done! I can say that the next two chapters will be uploaded once a day, but I can't promise that I can get the others out everyday. Thanks for reading, and please review if you can! :D**


	3. Imaginationland, Part 3

Kyle is resting in a room, and his doctor is in the hallway talking to another doctor. I make. Myself in a chair, close my eyes, and try to get some calm after everything that's happened. "Stan?" Kyle says. I open my eyes and see Kyle sit up and look around. "Stan?"

Cartman comes in smiling with a covered platter on a food cart. "Good morning, Kyle. How are we feeling?"

"Well," I say. "He was doing fine before you came in. I, on the other hand, feel like crap. I keep myself awake watching Kyle...Wait a second, that's weird."

"Cartman, what's happened?" asks Kyle.

"What's happened? Well, let's see: You bet me that I couldn't prove that leprechauns were real. And if I could prove it, you had to suck my balls, I believe," says Cartman.

"No, I mean what happened at the Pentagon?!" Cartman smiles.

"You just rest, Kyle." He takes the lid off the platter. "Look what I made for you. A sundae. It has hot fudge and whipped cream and a cherry-" He suddenly starts pondering. "But...I feel like something is missing; don't you, Kyle?" He taps his chin. "What else belongs on a sundae besides hot fudge and whipped cream?" Kyle growls. "Hot fudge, whipped cream, what else belongs on a sundae, Kyle?" Cartman turns towards the sundae. "What else goes on a sundae besides hot fudge,whipped cream, and...?"

I sigh annoyedly. "Your balls," I say flatly.

Cartman faces Kyle with a determined face. "That's right, my dear sister! My balls!"

"Cartman, what is going on out there?! What happened to Stan?!"

"Oh, he-"

"Cartman. Let me tell him. Kyle, this is going to be...bad, but Stan got sucked into the portal during the ManBearPig incident, and now they have to nuke Imaginationland. But we won't let that happen. Maybe Cartman will, but I won't. Stan is our friend, and we don't leave friends to die."

Cartman takes off his cap and begins to pull out another costume. "So are you all set for your big photo shoot, Kyle?"

"Wwait, what do you mean?" Kyle says. "Stan's in danger?" Cartman is dressed like the pope now.

"Don't try to change the subject, Kyle." Cartman pulls the camera and its tripod into place. "You've done a really good job of getting out of this bet, but it's finally time to settle. Get ready for your sundae, Kyle. With extra nuts." He closes his eyes and smiles.

I snicker. "Dude, that looks so wrong," I say. "Like you actually _want _Kyle sucking your balls." After a few seconds of him not answering, or retorting, I just shift unfomfortably in my chair. Cartman calls in some workers to install a photo studio, consisting of a blue background with clouds, and a small platform with a throne on it. On the right arm rest sits the sundae. Two spotlights and light reflectors round out the setup.

Cartman tests a remote control for the camera, and it works. "Kevin, can I get some more bounce off that too, 'kay?" Cartman talks to a guy named Kevin, while me and Kyle are trying to watch the news. "Let's just go wit split."

"Cartman, will you shut up?" asks Kyle. "I'm trying to find out what's going on." We listen quietly, up to the part about the nuke.

"We do have permission to nuke our imagination."

"Oh no," Kyle says.

"This of course overturns any imagination-based verdicts in the past, including the famous Cartman v. Broflovski ballsucking case."

"...What?" Cartman says, stunned.

"The government is gonna nuke Imaginationland," says Kyle. "...What am I supposed to do?" Kyle gives an unsure look. "Stan? Stan?" Kyle gets out of bed and stats to put on his clothes.

"Where are you going?!" Cartman asks angrily.

"I'm going to try to save Stan and Butters from getting nuked!"

"Okay okay, but you you have to suck my balls first real quick."

"No, I don't!" Kyle walks out of the room. "The decision was overturned."

Cartman follows him out and watches him walk away. "We had a DEAL KYLE!"

Kyle starts walking towards the entrance. "Yeah, that leprechauns were real! And the government just declared they AREN'T technically real, so I was right! It's over! I don't have to suck your balls!"

"IT ISN'T OVER!" Cartman yells at Kyle. Kyle turns to face him. "It isn't over, Kyle! I have NOT waited this long to see you weasel your way out of this bet!"

"Yes it is," I say. "I'm tired of this sucking balls crap. Kyle," I turn to face him. "I'm coming with you. Cartman, It's your choice wether you want to save your friends. Let's go."

"Go ahead and go. But I swear on my life! Before this day is over! You, Kyle Broflovski, will suck my balls! I SWEAR IT!" We walk out, and make our way to the Pentagon. Two armed guards are at the parking gate, and three more guards are in front of an entrance.

One of the guards sees us and aims his gun at me. "This area is restricted, kids."

"Please, I need to talk to the people inside," Kyle says. "They can't set off that nuke!"

"Get behind the line with the other protesters!" I look, and it's the same group we saw on television.

"No nukes in our imagination, bro! Wooo!" Other hippies cheer the guy who said that on.

"Uhm, you don't understand! My friend is in Imaginationland! I can hear him in my head!" Kyle tries to reason with the guard.

"You pot-smokin' hippies aren't gettin' through here, so back off!"

"Stop that nuke! Stop that nuke! Stop that nuke!" Me and Kyle start chanting with the hippies.

Then, Al Gore appears out of nowhere, running around like he's Superman. "What's going on here?" Al asks. No one says a word, and he pretends to fly around. "The military has to do this! It's their only way to kill ManBearPig." He 'flies' away.

* * *

Kyle and I sit on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Kyle moves farther down the steps to be alone, moping. "Nothing," Kyle says. I lift my head up and look at Kyle.

"Huh?"

Kyle stands up and moves around. "Nothing happened! There's nothing I can do!" A man walking by looks at him for a few seconds, then I shoo him away. "They say they can do whatever they want because imaginary things aren't real! No way, dude, then I'd have to suck Cartman's balls!"

"Yo, Kyle," I call out. "You talking to Stan?" Kyle doesn't answer.

"Huh? Oh boy..." Kyle stays quiet for a second. "Jesus, I can't do anything. I'm just a fourth grader going against the entire government. Uh, hello? Jesus?" More silence. "Oh. Yeah, I guess." Kyle rolls his eyes. "Hi Superman." This is weird... I don't know if he's crazy, or if people are actually communicating with him. "I know. Oh God..." Kyle finishes talking, and he tells me we need to get into the Pentagon. We got inside, and saw the window Cartman crashed through. Kyle crashes through the part of the large window that was left intact and lands on his back. I see Cartman turn around.

"Kyle?" Cartman says, shocked.

"...Eric? What are you doing here?" I ask.

"The hell are you doing back here?!" asks General.

"Listen, you don't have to do this!" Kyle says. "Our imaginations aren't running wild anymore."

"Why is it so easy for children to break into the Pentagon?!" exclaims the general.

"You have to stop!"

"If I'm not mistaken," the general says. "You're the one who bet that leprechauns weren't real. So why do you care what happens?"

"Because I-" Kyle stops abruptly, then continues talking. "I... Um... because I think... they are real. It's all real. Think about it. Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he... he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny and, a-and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of "real." They might be imaginary, but, but they're more important than most of us here. And they're all gonna be around long after we're dead. So in a way, those things are more realer than any of us." Cartman begins a slow clap, then speeds it up. I join in, then techs in the room join in and soon everyone is applauding Kyle's speech.

"Abort the sequence." A tech flips the switch and the power to the missile is cut. The missile lowers to a resting state.

"So Kyle, imaginary things are real, huh?" asks Cartman. "Guess that means I did win the bet after all. And you know what that means, Kyle."

"Just let it go with your balls, you asshole!" Kyle exclaims. "Your friends have been in danger and all you care about it this stupid bet! Well I've decided, Cartman, even if we had a bet, that I am never sucking your balls, you got that?! They can throw me in jail for the rest of my life, but I am," Kyle jabs Cartman. "never going to suck your balls," He jabs Cartman again. "never! So there!"

"Kyle, calm down, bro," I say half-jokingly.

Then, Al Gore walks into the room through the sliding doors. "What happened?!" he asks. "Why hasn't the missile gone off?!"

"There's been an abort, Mr. Gore."

Al Gore moves towards the missle's switch. "No! ManBearPig has to die!" He presses buttons randomly. The portal activates and begins sucking everyone and everything into Imaginationland, including Cartman and Kyle... and the missile. Everyone falls onto the ground, screaming. Everyone below us looks up. Some people land on the battlefield. Kyle lands on a bridge, face down, and I'm ontop of Jesus.

Stan approaches Kyle. "Kyle!"

Butters approaches Cartman on the battlefield. "Fellas! Where'd you come from?" Then a whistling sound is heard and everyone looks up.

"What is that?" The missile comes down from the sky and blows up on the battlefield, killing us all. Then, like magic, we all reaapear.

"He did it!"

Mr. Mayor poofs back. "Oh look, I'm back!" Luke Skywalker congratulates Butters, along with others. "The evil characters! They're all behind the wall again."

"Dude!" exclaims Stan. "How did you do that, Butters?"

"Well I just... used my imagination," Butters says.

"Awwww!" Everyone has a good laugh.

"You know, I really have learned a lot, you guys," Cartman says. "What Kyle said about imaginary things being real and, Butters using his imagination? It makes me think that... well maybe we all have the power to make things a reality." Cartman begins to think hard, and an imaginary version of himself appears, wearing a crown and robe. "Why look, it's me. And..." He thinks again, and an imaginary Kyle appears. "And there's Kyle. And, what's Kyle about to do?" Imaginary Kyle drops below Cartman, and starts...doing things.

"Cartman, don't!" Kyle says.

"Ooh-hoo Kyle! What are you doing to my balls? OHO, look! It's Kyle sucking my balls!" Imaginary Cartman is a little shocked. I start snickering. I mean, after a bit, it does get amusing.

"Dude," Stan says. "Oh my God."

"O-hoo Kyle, you are gobbling those balls, aren't you?" Cartman says. He starts smiling. "I told you you would suck my balls before this was over, didn't I, Kyle?"

"I'm not sucking your balls; that's imaginary!" Kyle protests.

"No- Kyle, I believe you said that imaginary things are real," Cartman says.

I burst out in laughter. "AHAHAHA! Ahhhh... That's pretty." Kyle gave me a dirty look.

"Oh, look at you go, Kyle! Oho, you dirty girl! You LOVE those balls." Everyone but Kyle laughs.

"Okay, Kyle, that's enough ballsucking. We need to get you kids home," says Santa.

"I am not sucking Cartman's balls!" Kyle exclaims.

"Whatever you imagine to be real, is real," says Mr. Mayor. Everyone cheers at that remark.

* * *

Kylie, Kyle, Cartman, and Stan are walking to our houses from the bus stop. "Well," Stan says. "That was a fun adventure, huh guys?" Kylie and Cartman agree, but Kyle just looks away angrily. He crosses his arms and huffs.

"Ohhh, Kyle," Kylie nudges Kyle. "You know we had some fun. Like eating the candy bar, and you getting twenty bucks."

"What? I don't have a 20!"

"Check your pockets." Kyle searches his pockets, and he pulls out a note. Kyle begins to read the note.

"This says that if I ended up sucking Cartman's balls, you would give me twenty bucks."

Kylie whips out a twenty dollar bill from her pockets. "You did! Or at least, imaginary you did. Either way, just take the money!"

Kyle sticks the note and money into his pocket. "Oh, guys, this is my stop! See you all at school tomorrow. Don't forget that we're having the Presidential Fitness Test sometime this week." Everyone waves goodbye to Kyle.

"You glad I'm back, Eric?" Kylie asked Cartman.

Cartman shrugged. "I guess. Kinda sucks that we have to share a bedroom though."

Stan decided to ask a question. "So, Kylie, what exactly IS your relationship with Cartman?"

"You know, I was a lonly orphan, got adopted by some sucky poor parents, then I murdered them, framed someone, went to Cartman's house, and made Liane feel sad that my parents died, then Cartman became my last name when Liane adopted me. We're step-siblings."

"...Cool," said Stan. "Hey, I gotta go."

"Bye!" They watched Stan run to his house. "It's just us now, I guess. Lord, it's cold out here."

"Yeah, it is," Cartman muttered. Kylie nudges Eric.

"Hey, wanna have a tea party with our dolls?" She asks. "Cookie and I would like to meet Clyde-Frog and Peter Panda."

"Seriously?" Kylie nods. "Oh, cool!" The two raced each other home.

* * *

**AN: Ohhhh my God, I'm so glad to be done with this trilogy. I just don't like the Cartman and Kyle's...thing. It's awkward for me. **

**I'm now accepting OC's, by the way, so if you want to see yours in a chapter, go ahead and give me some details! I can say for the moment that depending on how many I receive, they might become permanent. For example, if I get more than...let's say 4, then no OC will stay, unless I need to reuse them. So...yeah! Byeeeee! :3**


	4. 1 Percent

**AN: A special thanks to Jon the New Kid in Town for letting me use her OC, Jon! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park in any way, shape, or form, but it'd be awesome if i did.**

* * *

The school has been assembled in the auditorium. Principal Victoria, Mr. Adler, and Mr. Mackey are on stage with a representative from SPUSD, or something. The represenative stands in front of the presidential seal, with the words "PRESIDENT'S COUNCIL ON FITNESS, SPORTS & NUTRITION" written on it. "Last week the students of this school participated in the Presidential Fitness Test," the Rep says. "I'm sad to announce that South Park Elementary scored the lowest in health and fitness in the entire country." Stan and Kyle look at each other. "On the whole, you students actually scored fine. But the President's Fitness Test is scored on a school-wide average, and two fourth graders at this school scored so low, one with a terrifying body fat score," Cartman can tell the man is talking about him. ",high blood pressure and the cholesterol levels of a seventy-year old man, and the other with just flat out lazyness, refusing to do any exercises whatsoever, that it actually brought you entire school's average down to the lowest in the country." Cartman yawns. "However, the Presidential Fitness Program never wants to single out one or two or three children, because then those children might feel bad. And so as far as we're concerned, you're all a bunch of fat pigs."

"Uh, could you please use a little different terminology?" asks Principal Victoria.

"Sorry," says the Rep. "As far as the _board_ is concerned, you're all a bunch of fat pigs. And so it is the recommendation of this board that every week, each class will alternate turns, giving up their recesses and instead reporting to PE." The whole auditorium groans.

* * *

During that day's recess, Mr. Garrison's class is in PE. "Alright, fourth grade class, you're up first," the coach says. "We're gonna do some rope-climbin'."

"God this sucks!" Stan says.

"Four weeks we gotta do this?" asks Kyle.

"Well let's just suck it up, guys," Cartman says. "All we can try to do is have a positive attitude about it."

"Yeah," Kylie agrees. Stan, Kyle, and some other kids are not amused.

"Alright McCormick, let's start with you. Climb the rope." Kenny walks over to the rope, jumps up, and starts climbing.

"Heheh! Look at Kenny," laughs Cartman. "He's so poor, huh you guys? His family's so poor they couldn't pay the three ninety nine for the gym outfit."

"Cartman, _our _family couldn't even pay the full price for the outfit," Kylie says. Kenny climbs down from the rope and goes back to the group of kids.

"This is boring as shit, man," says Jon.

"Alright, let's go Broflovski," says the coach. Kyle walks over to the rope, jumps on, and starts climbing.

Cartman starts laughing. "Heheheheheh! Look you guys, a Jew on a rope. You know what they call a Jew on a-"

"No!" Kylie taps Cartman on the head, like she would with a newsapaer. "Bad. We don't tell Jew jokes. No. Bad Cartman."

"Oh, fine," Cartman says. He stays silent for a few seconds, before saying, "You know what they call a Jew on a rope?"

"Alright Cartman, stop ripping on other people to make yourself less embarrassed about the fact that we're all here because of you!" Stan exclaims.

"Hey whoa, we are here because the average score was low," Cartman says. "That's about all of us."

"Because of you!" Stan yells. "It's your fault that we have to do this! We have to do this because you're unhealthy!"

"Yeah," says Jon. "It's your fault, fatass!'

"Wow, Jon. I can't believe you just went there," Cartman says.

Kylie takes in a deep breath. "Okay, I'll admit it! _I _was the other person! It was also my fault we're here, okay?! I'm sorry!"

"...Why didn't you do the exercises?" Clyde asks.

"HEY! This is about Eric right now, not me. Besides, it's not my fault we're here! It's Eric's!"

"Well, Here we were having a perfectly nice conversation about Kenny being poor and Kyle being a Jew, and you just decided to go 9/11 and bust out the fat quip," Cartman says.

"We _are_ here because of you, so just keep your mouth shut!" Wendy exclaims.

"Oh my God! Why doesn't everyone just back off?!" Cartman says. "I know how this works: You're the 99% ganging up on the 1%!"

"Oh grow up," Craig says.

"Jesus Christ! The 99% is totally ganging up on me!"

"That's what we mean by "grow up" dude!" Stan exclaims. "Stop being a baby!"

"Yeah, why don't you go home and cry to your stuffed animals again?!" Cartman gasps.

* * *

In Cartman and Kylie's room, after school, Cartman is crying to his stuffed animals again. Kylie sits next to Cartman, talking quietly to a stuffed elephant. "Ngh, and then, and then Wendy said that they were the 99% and I was the 1% and that made me not keeeewl," cries Cartman.

"But Eric, you _are_ cool," says Clyde-Frog.

"Eric, you need to understand that I'm part of the 1% as well," Kylie says. "But, I mean, if you want to put all the blame on yourself, I'm fine with that too." She starts to get up off the bed and walks out of the bedroom.

"I know, Clyde Frog, but now the 99% is saying everything is my faaault."

"It's not your fault, Eric," Peter Panda says. "How can they blame _you_ for what is clearly President Obama's fault?"

"...What do you mean, Peter Panda?"

"You didn't make that stupid Presidential Fitness Test! Obama did!"

"Yeah," says Polly prissypants. "That's right Eric. You don't need to grow up. You are awesome and keeewl."

"Thanks Polly Prissypants. I'm just so scared that all the kids at school are gonna be talkin' about me behind my back."

Kylie walks back into the bedroom, holding a popsicle. "I doubt it. If you accuse them, say anything about what you think they're doing, now _that, _that'll give them ideas, if they haven't already started anything."

* * *

Lunchtime has arrived and all the kids are in the cafeteria, except Cartman. "Ehe, and so then, Skeletor told Terminator he wanted a divorce, and apparently it's all gonna be finalized soon," Butters says.

"That's not even Skeletor, Butters," says Jon.

"Dude, Butters, how many times do we have to go over this?" Stan asks. "That's not Skeletor, that's a woman named Maria Shriver."

"She doesn't look like Skeletor anyway!"

"Uh but, then, why does his face look like that?" The doors burst open and Cartman steps in and looks around. No one says a word.

"What? What?! WHAT?!" Cartman yells. "What are you guys talking about? What are you guys doin'-What are you talking about? I knew it! You guys are having a big 99% rally, aren't you?! Occupying the cafeteria?! You wanna know why you guys are all here protesting?! Because you're pissed off, but you actually think it's wrong to be pissed off at a black president, so you're all just pissed off at ME! Well go ahead! Have your little rally to figure out how to stick it to the 1%! See what it gets you!" He slams a door, but it doesn't close. Cartman walks out.

"Uh, I gotta go," Kylie says to her friends. She follows Cartman, saying. "What were you thinking?! I told you to _not _do that!"

"Hey, you know? Eric is right," Butters says. "Maybe we _should_ form a 99% club."

"Yeah. It's not a bad idea," says Jimmy. "If all the students unite, we can work together to fight the f-f-fit."

A fifth grader stands up. "Yeah. The fifth graders agree. We're all being punished for one lazy bitch, and one fatass. Let's make 'em suffer."

"All we need is some good old-fashioned di... di... di... diplomacy," Jimmy says.

"Yeah, 99% Club!" Jon says. She stands up. "I'm in."

* * *

Jimmy, Butters, and Jon are seated at a desk facing the board rep from before at the President's Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition, Colorado Division Office. "Hello sir, we are here on behalf of all fourth graders at South Park Elementary," Jimmy says.

"Aahh yes, the Fatty Boombalatty class. How's the extra PE treating you?" asks the board Rep.

"Sir," says Butters. "We believe your fitness system is flawed, and that for 99% of us, it is unfair."

"What do you want _me_ to do about it?" the Rep asks.

"Well, sir, we believe that the 1% should be dropped from the fitness results, so that our scores can be more accurate," Jon says. "This isn't even our fault the score is that low; it's Cartman's fault!" The Rep rises from his chair and approaches a chart. "'Fraid that's impossible. The NationalFitness Test has very specific standards," he says. "No one child can ever be made to feelsingled out. We don't even like to use the term "physically fit" anymore because it can make astudent feel unphysically fit, and then that student might end up feeling like a total retard."

"...Excuse me, can you use a different terminology please?" asks Jimmy.

"A-and then that _fourth grader _might end up feeling like a total retard," the Rep says.

"Sir, all of the students already know who the 1% is," Butters says.

"All you're doing is making the other 99% more angry," says Jon. "I warn you: this could turn very ugly."

* * *

Cartman and Kylie walks into their room, which is quite trashed. Cartman looks around in horror, then goes back downstairs, where he spots his mom paying some bills at the table. Kylie follows closely behind. "Mom, have you been here all day?!" Cartman asks.

"No, sweetie, I've been at the hair salon. Why?"

"Somebody's been in my room!" Liane looks up at Cartamn as he goes back to his room. He looks under his things to see if anything is missing. His mom appears at the door. "Damn 99%ers!" Cartman ravages through his room, looking to see if anyone stole anything. "What did they take?!"

"Are you sure, sweetie?" asks Liane.

"Am I sure?" Cartman asks. "Look at this place!" Cartman turns around and glares at Liane. "Don't you get it Mom?! People voted for Obama, so now that everything sucks they have to blame me!" He goes back to searching his stuff and finds a watch. "They didn't take my Stormtrooper watch..."

Kylie searches through her dresser and finds a video game. "My GTA 5 game is still here... what else could they have taken from us?" Cartman looks at a corner of his room. A chair set apart for Clyde Frog is empty, but his other four dolls are arranged and seated in from of it.

"Oh my God." Cartman panics. "Clyde Frog!"

Kylie pulls the covers off her bed. "Where's Cookie?! Where's my elephant?"

"What?" asks Liane, confused.

"No." Cartman goes to the corner and tosses his dolls aside, then looks up in despair. "NOOO!" He runs to his closet and looks inside. He doesn't find Clyde Frog. "CLYDE FROG!" Cartman stops to tell him mom, "They took Clyde Frog!" He runs out of his room. Kylie follows close behind.

"Dude, they must be outside somewhere!" she exclaims. The two run outside in the back yard. Cartman looks around. Cartman and Kylie call out and walk around.

Cartman calls out, "Clyde Frog! Clyde!? Clyde Frog?!" The two stop and notice something on a tree. It's Clyde Frog and Cookie. Clyde is nailed to the tree through his front paws and forehead. Cookie lays at the tree trunk, decapitated. Clyde Frog is ripped all over and cotton pops out of the rips. Under the frog is the word 'VENGEANCE' scratched onto the tree bark in red spray paint. "Clyde. CLYDE FROG!" Cartman throws up.

Later, Cartman is holding a lavish funeral for Clyde Frog. "I've known Clyde Frog since I was two years old. He was a fighter, a visionary. But most of all, Clyde Frog was the perfect friend. He never said anything. He never had his own ideas about what he wanted to do. He just sat there goin' along with whatever I wanted," Cartman says. "A noble trait that seems lost on you 99%ers." Stan and Kyle are falling asleep. Kyle rests his head on his left hand. Jon sits next to Kylie, who is sewing the head back on her stuffed elephant. Jon lays back in her chair, and takes a sip out of a Pepsi can. "And now we live in a world where one of you has decided to become a murderer. Well whoever you are, I'm sure you're sitting there right now, in your little green hat, with your left cheek resting against your hand thinking, 'I'm not getting away with this, am I?' Because whoever you are, maybe you still have one little piece of humanity left, covered up and tainted black by years of Jewish propaganda and left-wing lies. Maybe you should just-"

"Shut the hell up, Cartman!" Jon yells out.

"Got something to say Kyle?!" Cartman grips the sides of the podium.

"How do you murder a stuffed animal?!" Kyle asks angrily.

"How _do _you murder a stuffed animal?! You tell us, Kyle!" Cartman stops himself. "Butbut but but, but ,uh, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. There's still a_ biiig _investigation to come. And until we prove beyond a reasonable doubt who the killer was, you are all just as guilty as Kyle. Thank you so much. Bagpipes please." A bagpipe player begins a tune. Two men lower the casket into the ground. Cartman begins to sing.

"Where's our five dollars?" asks Craig.

"What?"

"It said in the e-mail if we came we each got five dollars," Jon says.

Cartman thinks for a moment. "...Five dollars has been donated in each of your names to the Clyde Frog Foundation," he says. Cartman then resumes singing. All the kids groan, then get up and leave. "Oh fine, go on and leave! I'm gonna find out who did this to Clyde, and I'm gonna have your head on a plate!"

* * *

Back at the President's Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition, Colorado Division Office, The board rep is looking over some reports while leaning against his desk. A receptionist walks up to him, and says, "Sir? Sir, do you remember the kids from that South Park Elementary School?"

"Oh yes," the Rep answers. "The Boom Boom Chubby Choom Choom school."

"Well," the receptionist says. "They're all protesting outside, saying our system isn't fair to the 99% of them."

The Rep runs to the front door followed by the receptionist. "Oh my Jesus!" he exclaims. "Oh, not a 99% rally!" Outside, on a small strip of grass in a parking lot, Butters, Jon, and Jimmy hold up some protest signs.

"I sure hope this works," Butters says.

A Field Reporter suddenly appears out of nowhere. "Tom, I'm reporting from the middle of a protest where three fourth grade students are fed up, and have decided to occupy Red Robin," the reporter says. "Occupy Red Robin has been going on for several hours now, and kids, technically I am part of the 99% so, what do I have to say about all this?"

* * *

In the Cartman house's dining room, the lights have been turned low. Cartman and his plushies are seated around the table, and Kylie is sitting on the floor between Rumpertumpskin and Polly Prissypants. Cartman serves himself some tea. "Thank you all so much for coming," Cartman says. "I realize that Clyde Frog's death is as shocking to all of you as it is to me."

"Why would somebody do such a terrible thing?" Peter Panda asks.

"Why would somebody hurt Clyde Frog, Eric?" Polly Prissypants asks. "Especially because you are so awesome and keewl."

"Look," Kylie says. "I understand that you're upset by the fact that someone would harm Clyde Frog, but you never had to bury him! You could've just let me sew him back together! But I digress. Continue, please."

"I know that I'm awesome and keewl, but it has little relevance at the moment to Clyde Frog's murder!" Cartman exclaims.

"Let's stop the charades, Eric, and let's get down to business," says Rumpertumpskin.

"What do you mean, Rumpertumskin?" Kylie asks.

"We all know who killed Clyde Frog," Rumpertumpskin says. "And she's the same dirty slut who's been messing with us our whole lives!"

Liane peeks around the corner into the dining room. "Eric, sweetie, is everything okay?"

"Does everything look okay?" asks Polly Prissypants.

"Sit down!" exclaims Rumpertumpskin.

"Yes, sit down, mother," Cartman says. "We are all having a tea party."

Liane takes a seat at the other end of the table. "Uh sweetie," she says. "I see that you're a little... disturbed right now, but, maybe you can-"

"Shut your fat piehole!" Polly Prissypants yells.

"Yeah!" exclaims Rumpertumpskin. "You know what you did! You let Clyde Frog get murdered!"

"No, Rumpertumskin," Liane says. "I didn't. I swear."

"Besides," Kylie comments. "Why would she write 'VENGANCE' in blood on the tree? It couldn't have been mom."

"Then why did you write in your diary "It was probably time for Eric to grow out of his stuffed animals anyway"?!" asks Muscleman Marc.

"That's an excellent point, Muscleman Marc," Cartman says. "Please continue."

"Well, all I'm saying, Eric, is that-" Muscleman Marc gets cut off by Liane.

"Sweetie, you really can just talk to me if you-"

'"_ALL I'M SAYING, ERIC, _is that you went through your mom's diary for a reason!" Mucleman Marc says.

"Eric, I promise you," Liane says. "I didn't do anything to your favorite toy. Whoever did this to you, I hate them as much as you do, and I'd do anything to get to the bottom of it."

"Y'know, Eric," Kylie says. "Even though I don't give a crap about Clyde, I do want to figure out who harmed my handmade elephant, Cookie."

"So then," Cartman says. "We are all going to need some... more tea."

* * *

At Occupy Red Robin, Butters, Jon, and Jimmy are now joined by a bongo drummer and a dancing man wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. They are surrounded by South Park's emergency services and the media, and one Java Jim's truck. Sgt. Yates is on the phone calling for backup. "You'd better give me every cop you've got on the South Side!" he exclaims. "I don't care where ABC parks their truck, as long as it doesn't block the fire trucks!" He hangs up and walks to the command center nearby. "Jesus, this protest is getting out of hand! Alright, what exactly are we dealing with?"

"It's no good," says an officer. "The protest has quadrupled in size since this morning. As you can see from this aerial photograph, the protest covers almost two square miles." The officer starts pointing at a map. "We have right officers here, here, and here. The media has been contained in this area."

"And where are the actual protesters?" asks Sgt. Yates.

"Oh," the officer says. "These three people right here." He circles the spot on which Butters, Jon, and Jimmy stand.

"How are we gonna contain this thing?!"

"I'm afraid it's about to get worse," a second officer says. "You see this area here? This is where we're setting up the stage for Bon Jovi."

"Bon Jovi?" Sgt. Yates asks.

"These are good cops!" says the second officer. "We can't have them standing around for hours without some entertainment! The problem is, with this area blocked by napping tents, we have no place to serve the officers beer."

"Damnit!" exclaims Sgt. Yates. "Don't these protesters know what this is all heading towards?" He steps forward. "Full-on class warfare."

* * *

Later that night, at the Cartman house, Cartman and Kylie are sleeping in their seperate beds. Cartman's sound asleep, snoring even, when the room begins to glow. Flames appear. Cartman begins to wake up from the heat and sits up. He sees the flames. "What the hell?!" Kylie yelps. The flames set the curtains on fire. Cartman sees them next to his bed and stands up on the bed. "Mom? Mom, my room is..." He turns around and sees Peter Panda and his dresser on fire. "AAAH! PETER PANDA!"

After the fire, the police and fire department have come to the rescue, and a fireman comes down the ladder with the charred remains of Peter Panda. "The fire started with this," the fireman says. "Definitely a case of arson. Somebody hates this kid."

Cartman runs up to the fireman. "Don't you touch him! Leave him alone!" He swats the doll out of the fireman's hands. "Peter Panda!"

"Eh, Eric," says Peter Panda, in a clearly strained voice.

"Don't try to talk, Peter Panda!" Cartman exclaims. "You're gonna be okay!"

"Eric... Remember..." Cartman begins to sob. "...Stay... keeewl." Cartman begins bawling. The fireman picks the doll back up.

"Sorry kid," says the fireman. "We need to take this as evidence."

Cartman drops on all fours. "Noohoho!" Kylie puts her arm around Cartman, feeling bad for him. "Peter Panda nooo!"

* * *

A female field reporter talks into a microphone at Red Robin. "The 99%ers movement continues to grow as more and more Americans occupy Red Robin. I asked some of the people exactly what they hoped to accomplish." They show some pre-recorded footage. "And sir, what do you hope to accomplish by this movement?" the reporter asks.

"I like the uh, A1 Peppercorn Burger," a man says. "And they got ummm, bo-bottomless fries." The recoding ends.

"And as the protesters inside Red Robin unite together, word is that filmmaker Michael Moore has joined the protesters outside."

Outside, Michael Moore is talking through his bull horn to Jon and Jimmy. Butters has disappeared. "I look at the faces of you protesters and I see the future of America! We are the 99%! YESSS!"

* * *

At a house in the neighborhood, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny approach the front door. Their bikes are scattered all over the lawn. Kyle knocks on the door and a fifth grader answers it. "Hey dude," Kyle says. "Ah are you the guys messing with Cartman's stuffed animals?"

"Maybe we are and maybe we aren't," the fifth grader says. "You got any proof?"

"Well, just..." Stan pauses for a second. "You and your friends were the ones saying Cartman and Kylie need to suffer?"

"That doesn't prove anything!" exclaims the fifth grader. "They're finally getting what's coming to them."

"Yeah, but dude, he seriously could have died in that fire," says Kyle.

"They're in your class but you don't deal with them!" the fifth grader exclaims. "So we are gonna remedy the situation! We've got big plans! Just stay out of our way and let the men handle this!" He slams the door in the boys' faces. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn around to leave.

* * *

At the Black residence, Liane, Cartman, and Kylie are staying there while their own house is repaired. Liane is at table with Token's parents drinking coffee. "Thank you so much for allowing us to stay here," Liane says.

"Of course," says Token's father. You can't be staying in a home with that much fire damage."

"To be honest, we're just a little surprised Eric begged you to stay with us," Token's mother says. "We never knew your son and our son were so close."

"I asked little Eric where he would feel safest, and he said with his friend Token," says Liane.

Kylie and Cartman walk into Token's room. Cartman is being paranoid. "This window locks from the inside, right? And this door has a lock on it too?" Cartamn asks. "Don't worry Polly Prissypants, you're gonna be safe here. In this day and age, black people are just impervious to being messed with, so we will be alright."

"E-Eric," Kylie chuckles nervously. "D-Don't you think you're overeacting a little? I mean, I got rid of my stuffed animals in the second grade. The only reason I still have my elephant is because it was my grandma's."

"Don't tell me not to overreact!" Cartman exclaims loudly. "Polly Prissypants is in danger!"

Token sighs. "Why are you involving me in this?"

"Token, please," Cartman says. "You're the only person I can trust. Because in today's time, black people are somehow incapable of doing something wrong."

* * *

Butters is still gone, so Jon and Jimmy are left, standing there with their protest signs. Everyone else is still where they were. "Breaking news from the Occupy Red Robin movement," says a reporter. "The protesters have decreased in number from three to two, as one of the protesters has apparently splintered off from the group to start a new movement: Occupy the Restroom."

Near the restroom area at Red Robin, another reporter is standing close to the mens' room. "Tom, Occupy the Restroom has been going on for almost thirty minutes now," the reporter says. "Certainly a sign that this country is more divided than ever. These 99%ers are fed up, and as a result you can clearly see this restroom is 'OCCUPIED.'" He points to a little window that now reads "OCCUPIED." A second later, a toilet is flushed inside. The door opens and Butters exits zipping his pants up. "Uh, Tom, it looks like the movement is finished, but from the time it took, it must have been a pretty decent-sized movement." A few seconds later, Butters walks out and takes up his sign.

* * *

At Token's house, it seems as though Cartman has made himself at home in Token's room. Cartman sits on Token's bed with his dolls, chips, and Token's remote control. Kylie leans on the bedframe on the floor, nibbling on a sandwich or something. Token is not pleased and has crossed his arms. "Will you stop changing channels and just pick something?" Token asks irritably.

"What do you wanna watch, Polly Prissypants?" Cartman asks his doll.

"This is my room!" Token exclaims. "I'll take the remote from you!"

"Muh uh," Cartman says. "'Cause I'll tell my mom on you when our parents get home."

"You're a guest here!" Token is visibly getting annoyed. "Your mom isn't in charge!"

"Naw uh," says Cartman.

Kylie scoffs. "Why not?"

"'Cause my house got burned down, so everyone has to feel bad for me," he says.

"Okay, I'm officially done with this. Eric, give Token the remote, and-" Suddenly, an alarm sounds, cutting Kylie off. Cartman puts his chips aside and gathers his toys close.

"What is that?" Cartman asks anxiously. "WHAT IS THAT?!"

"That's the alarm; someone's in the back yard," says Token.

"What?!" exclaims Cartman.

"Who would be out this time of night?" Kylie asks.

"I don't know," Token says.

"I thought I was safe here!" Cartman begins to leave the room. "Stay there guys, I'll be right back!" he says to his stuffed animals. Token and Kylie look out the window. Cartman runs outside with a bat. "Who's there?!" exclaims Cartman. He notices Token coming out behind him. "Lock that door behind you, Token." He then shouts at whomever might be there. "Black people live here!" Some flood lights come on, and Kyle's shadow runs by. Cartman notices it, and gives chase then tackles Kyle. "Aha! I knew it was you, Kyle!"

"...Kyle?" Kylie walks outside. "No, it wouldn't be Kyle. He's not that evil! ...Or _is_ he?"

"It's not me!" Kyle exclaims. "I'm here to help you, fatass!"

Stan walks out from behind a garage. "Stop it, Cartman! It's true!" he says. "We came to keep an eye out. Stephen Tamil said he had something big planned."

"...Stephen Tamil? The fifth grader?" Cartman looks around. "Oh shit!" He drops the bat and runs back inside. "I told you to lock that door, Token!" He runs up to Token's room and searches for his stuffed toys. He sees the other five walk into the room. "Nononono!" Cartman grabs Kenny by the throat and shakes him. "Where are they Kenny?!"

Kenny slaps Cartman's hand off his neck. "I don't really know!" he says.

"HAAAAGH!" Cartman runs out and closes the door, then locks it and runs off.

"Hey!" Stan yells after Cartman. "Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!" Cartman returnsand opens the door. "I don't trust any of you assholes!" He leaves once more, and calls out to his dolls. "Where are you sons of bitches?!"

* * *

After the fifth graders making signs and marching to Red Robing, the fifth graders walk up to Butters, Jon, and Jimmy and stand alongside them.

"Hey," Butters says. "What are you fifth graders doing?"

"We are the 83%! We are tired of being punished for the fourth grade class!" Stephen Tamil exclaims. "The fourth grade is stickin' it to the other 83% of the school!"

"Now hold on a second, fellas," Jimmy says. "If you're the 83%, then our class is only 17%."

"Yeah, how can the 17% be sticking it to the 83%?" Jon asks.

"Because your class had Cartman in it, and he's the 1%!"

"But if he's 1% of 17%," Jimmy explains. "Then he's .17%."

"This is it," says a reporter. "The inevitable has happened at Occupy Red Robin. It is full-on class warfare."

"And now class warfare is breaking out," a female reporter says. "Apparently it is the fourth grade class versus the fifth grade class."

Sgt. Yates and the other men are roused by the commotion. "It's here!" Sgt. Yates exclaims. "The class warfare is finally here!"

* * *

Cartman walks into the darkened kitchen. "Hello?" Lightning crackles outside and floods the kitchen in light for a moment. "Whoever you are, just give them back! Haven't you done enough to me?!" He sees a boiling crock pot, walks up to it and removes the lid. Inside he sees Muscleman Marc. "Muscleman Marc! AAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAA!" More lightning crackles as Cartman runs out of the kitchen. Cartman walks into the living room, still looking for the two remaining dolls. "Polly Prissypants! Rumpertumskin!" Cartman walks towards the fireplace. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Kylie, and Token watch the scene from upstairs. "Jesus Christ!" Over the fireplace Cartman sees Rumpertumskin drawn up by four chains and a bomb wrapped around his neck.

"Oh my God!" Stan exclaims.

"...Where did they get a bomb?!"

"Eric!" yells Rumpertumpskin. "Don't come any closer!"

"Who did this to you?!" Cartman exclaims.

"You said you wouldn't let anything happen to us," says Rumpertumpskin.

"Don't worry," Cartman says. "I'll get you down!" Cartman walks forward and trips a wire that sets off the bomb, decapitating Rumpertumskin. "AAAAHAA! AAHAAAA!" Cartman begins to cry. "Rumpertumskin! RUMPER...Rumpertumskin... WHY?! Why did you do this?"

"It's okay, Eric," Polly Prissypants says. "It's over now." The kids see Cartman actually doing her voice. Cartman expresses shock, then turns around. Polly Prissypants is seated on an armchair with a loaded gun resting against her.

"Polly... Polly Prissypants... You did this?" Cartman asks.

"Don't you see? The kids at school were right, Eric," Polly Prissypants says. "It was time for us to grow up."

Cartman is silent for a few seconds. "...You got rid of Clyde Frog... You burned Peter Panda!"

"Yes, they're gone," Polly Prissypants says. "And now we can grow up and be together."

"They were your FRIENDS!" Cartman exclaims.

"They were holding us back!" Polly Prissypants says. "All the kids making fun of you at school, saying you're not keewl! Your stuffed animals all have to be gotten rid of, don't you see?!"

At the front door, The Blacks and Liane have returned, but Mr. Black can't open the door.

"Dead-bolted," says Mr. Black. "Token!" He knocks twice, then heads for the window. "Token, you in there?!" The three adults look in the house through a window.

"Polly Prissypants, when people find out we did all this, we're gonna get in total trouble!" Cartman says.

"No, I thought of everything! It all happened here so that everyone would think Token did it," Polly Prissypants explains. "All the blame will be on him. And we can live happily ever after."

"There's one problem," Cartman says. He walks up to the doll, takes the gun and walks back to where he was. "You say I have to grow up, to get rid of all my dolls. You forget one crucial thing, Polly Prissypants. You're a doll too!"

Polly Prissypants gasps. "Oh no! You're totally right! But I thought my plan was perfect! I failed! I failed you! You have to kill me Eric! So that you don't get blamed!"

"Noho! I've lost every stuffed animal; I won't lose you too!"

"It's the only way Eric. You have to do it. Please!" Polly Prissypants pleads. " can't live with myself after what I've done. Please, you have to do it Eric."

Cartman sobs for almost a minute, then aims the gun at Polly Prissypants. "Goodbye, Polly Prissypants. I love you."

"Say "hello" to the sunrise for me." Cartman cries and looks away as he starts firing at her. The first shot is straight through the forehead. He fires twice more as the five kids watch from the second floor, and three more as the Blacks and Ms. Cartman watch from outside. Polly Prissypants has four shots through the head and two more that took out chunks of her cheeks. Cartman cries, having lost the last of his stuffed dolls.

"Dude, what the hell?" Stan asks.

"We told him to grow up," Kyle says. "So he got rid of his stuffed animals."

Kylie looks at Cartman, jaw-dropped. A look of anger then forms on her face as she shouts, "GODDAMMIT! HE SET OUR HOUSE ON FIRE!"

* * *

In the Red Robin parking lot, a worker sweeps up all the debris from the Occupy Red Robin movement. "Occupy Red Robin is over," says a reporter. "Class warfare has torn apart the 99% and replaced it with the 30%, the 26%, and even little brackets of 5% here and there. What does this mean for our country? What does this mean... for me?"

"Hey! Get down to State Street!" exclaims an officer. "They're occupying Macaroni Grill!"

"Oh hell yeah!" The reporter says. "I'll occupy me some goat-cheese peppadew peppers!" He runs off.

* * *

AN: You know, I really like Macaroni Grill. I went there twice. Sorry this one's delayed, I put it off for pretty much no reason, other than plain laziness (and repairing my N64). So...I guess throw some reviews my way, and feel free to request episodes and stuff...EHH...Bye for now, I guess.


	5. A Quick Update

I'm just going to throw some random things out there before I actually cut to the chase: I already have the next 5-10 episodes I want to do next planned out, but feel free to keep requesting, and I have a new laptop, but I'm still learning how to use it.

**Now for one of the important things: **Because of me not knowing how the heck to actually USE Windows 8,** I'm pushing the due date to 7/26**. If I can get it out before then, well that's great. And to go with the pushing back of dates, I will try to put up new chapters every two weeks once school starts.

I would also like to point out a little thing about a certain review I got (that has been deleted). Some Guest decided to put up a review, trying to tell me what I already know. I'm not going to say what was in the review, but I do know that my friend Jon The New Kid In Town got 'attacked' as well. I'm fine with Haters and Flamers, but Trolls? That won't fly. So don't. JUST. DON'T. As for everyone that's reading , THANK YOU for actually taking time out of your day to read my story. You guys are great.

That's basically it, and, uh, thanks - InvaderKylie.3


	6. I'm Sososososososo Sorry

**I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, and I know I'm way too early into writing to say it, but I have to put this on hiatus. **

**If anyone's going to be angry, be angry at the way I live. All my summer activities taking up time, and the planning for my birthday coming up as well. If you would like to know, the next chapter will be 4th Grade, and the one after that is going to be Tonsil Trouble (by request). If anyone still reads this when (or if) I get a new chapter up, I would be happy that at least one person still believes in this story.**

**If it's going to be any consolation, I do have one of my first FanFictions that I wrote back in 4th grade, for the Invader Zim fandom. It's actually pretty bad. No language, but at one part there is a heavy shift towards the subject of suicide and depression (as in, my OC wants to kill herself), and then a mass murder (if it can be called that) somewhere else.**

**SO THEN. The point I'm making is this; This is going on hiatus, I'm eating some fried chicken right now, and a fossil is just sitting there waiting to be read. It's getting dusty.**


	7. I'm done! (With hiatus)

**Okay, I swear to God this is the last one.**

**So, everyone who has been waiting; Congrats! You stuck around long enough to see that I actually WILL be putting out a new chapter, and as soon as this week(end) is over, you'll see an actual chapter pop up! I'm going to have a whole bunch of time to myself this week, which means much more writing time, which also means more chapters that will be able to go up this week(end). **

**Here's a preview of the next chapter.**

"Wait guys," Kylie says. The boys turn to look at her. "Well, uh, shouldn't we just go back to Kindergarten? B-back when things were...y'know...EASIER? We didn't do actual work, we just watched television and played all day." Stan looked at Kylie, slightly horrified, and shook his head. "Wha- Ooohhhhh...sorry..."

**Well? What do you guys think? It'll be out by the end of the week, I swear. But I might spend most of my free time listening to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (which, is an AAAAMMMMAAAAZZZZIIINNNNGGGG movie! You should watch it I you haven't seen it).**

**Either way, I just want to say how happy I am that I have people who read this story, and to you guys, Thanks. I love you (metaphorically) guys so much. See you when the next one comes out, and Peace!**


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